Little Man Update

September 1st means we made it! 37 weeks = Full term.

Today when I was nesting I found a calendar I kept at the beginning of the year and beginning of this pregnancy. Mostly hcg numbers and progesterone counts, but also milestones and doctor's instructions.

There were some very difficult moments and long days early on. I can remember crying on the phone with a nurse and having a doctor call back to help me. She explained how often a blood count was warranted and it helped me understand they were following best medical practice. I can handle most things better if I understand them objectively.

I will never forget driving to the "baby doctor" with Georgia in the back seat. I was certain we were losing this baby and only obliging my husband's request that I go to the doctor to be sure before I gave up hope. We hadn't told Georgia anything was wrong, only that we needed to go to the doctor again. Although she has been to the doctor regularly her whole life she really didn't have much concept of them other than vaccines. On Little Blue's big curve she told me that the baby had an owie. She wasn't even two years old and completely unprompted she offered this to me as fact. I began to have hope that God was using this little girl to remind me that He was with us, and maybe even using her to talk to me.

And sure enough, the baby's heart was beating strongly and he did have an owie.

That we prayed God would heal.

We often say "Only God can do this" but I'm not sure Noah and I had ever had to live it so completely. There was nothing that human hands could do to fix the baby's placenta--the very life-giving organ that had partially separated from the womb. Only God could heal this bleeding wound.

The weeks that followed made me understand and develop empathy for those who suffer from depression and those who are home bound. There were two layers to my struggle. The literal of getting through the day and the eternal of what did I believe. I had more time than I knew what to do with and had to battle with my thoughts and fears almost incessantly. The world kept spinning despite my lack of participation in it. Distractions worked for a time, but I had to face our circumstances with my faith.

It's pretty typical of me to clam up and pull in when I struggle. I think deeply and wrestle passionately with life. This seems best done in private as it can be overwhelming to share.

I told God I didn't want Him to take this baby of ours but that I would accept and even embrace His choice. Those weren't easy words, but after our previous struggles I was in a place that I really meant them. And the wait began.

Waiting was the hardest part. I was at peace with either outcome, but truly waiting day after day after day to know which it was.

And today we wait again. For his birth. I can only imagine what God has planned for this special little man who is rolling around as I type.

We went to the doctor yesterday and had a sonogram to grade my placenta. Didn't even know that could be done. This very special pregnancy developed organ of mine is functioning perfectly and is extremely healthy for his gestation. Can you see me grinning with gratefulness? Only God.

There is lots of fluid surrounding him and helps explain how he is still so active....at around 7 lbs! Yep, he's on track to meet or beat his sister's 9 lb. 12 oz.  Now you see why I didn't buy newborn boys clothes or newborn diapers. I make SUPER BABIES! With big feet!

And I cannot wait to meet this one and look into his eyes and tell him he's a miracle.